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“ Oh, God! Save Me From Me!”
 
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Below are 20 journal entries, after skipping by the 20 most recent ones recorded in Soul & Body Recovery's LiveJournal:

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Friday, October 22nd, 2004
5:34 am
I understand - difficult to leave Russia and your son's home.
Dear Valentina,

I can understand how difficult it must be to leave Russia and your son's home.
You have done much healing work in your life and you will continue to heal.
Thank you for the gifts that you have shared with the world.
Thank you for your big heart.
With love and gratitude,
Dodi
USA
Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
3:53 pm
My heart is with you in this deep transition you are navigating with Yvgeny's passing.
L.S.
Taos, NM, USA

Blessed Valentina,
My heart is with you in this deep transition you are navigating with Yvgeny's passing.
I don't know if there is ever a reason for such a death,
but I do know that if anyone can comprehend it
and accept it in all it's pain and all its mystery, you can.
Misha tells me you are stronger than ever and I can certainly believe that.
I send you my love, Valentina.
I am so very happy to be in touch with both you and Misha again
and hope to be able to work with you once more.
Meanwhile, I send you all blessings and grace, Linley
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004
5:31 am
Website to help other mothers who have lost their sons
Dearest Valentina,
I was thinking that maybe,once u have found your way to deal with the pain,torment and trauma,
that u can set up a website to help other mothers who have lost their sons.
It is just an idea,but hope that it resonates with u.
Blessings,love and light,
Strength and power,
May the vital force be with u,
IAN.
Harrogate
North ENGLAND
Monday, September 27th, 2004
10:34 pm
May the vital force be with you
Dearest Valentina,
I dont know how one can make any sense out of your trauma,nor find any reasons,nor extract any lessons.

All I can say is that I feel deeply for u.
Hope u find a way to deal with the pain.

Blessings,love and light,
May the vital force be with you,
IAN.

Harrogate
North ENGLAND
Sunday, September 26th, 2004
8:48 pm
Still in the God's hands...
Sept 26th 2004
Kazan, Tatarstan (Middle Russia)
7:37pm Kazan & Moscow time

Thank you once again, my dear friends!
For all: your hearts and light, for love and care, for
all of your letters…
When I am receiving these letters from you, it’s
touching my heart so deeply…

Sometimes these days I am thinking…
And feeling…
Then it comes to me that it’s maybe time, when I am
able to begin...
What is it that I am beginning?..
Life?.. Not yet...
Learning how to live, why and what for...
Learning what was Yevgeney's life - the part of it
that we can't see...
What this loss is…

Through all last year I was trying to save him…
As you remember... There was no time for me to take a
breath...
I was spending in Russia with him most of my time –
flying back and forth between Russia and America – 2
weeks in USA, then 3-4-5-6 or more weeks in Russia…
He was so well recovering from his physical damage but
the damage of his soul…
It was not in my power to heal…
And then that other “accident” in the may of this
year…
When he was beating by the group of young man at
night...
It was a true miracle that he had survive it that
time... For three more months...

As someone said: “The greatest lesson is that you
could only
do so much and the rest wasn't in your hands.......”

You know and I know that from all that our life is…
And now I have to re-learn everything all over again…

But even my learning of this seems in the God’s hands
too…
Still – all is there…

Valentina
Monday, September 20th, 2004
11:15 am
Re: In God's Hands
Re: In God's Hands
Monday, September 20, 2004 11:15 AM

Dear Valentina,
When I first moved into Vivian's house in 1985 I had a repetitive dream in
which I was in a house that belonged to a man who cut up bodies. I was
dreaming the future. When Vivian died I was staying with her friend who
is a pathologist. I can only conclude from this that somehow the future is
planned. I have had many dreams predicting the future.
There was nothing I could have done to prevent Vivian's crash and death.
There was nothing you could do to prevent your son's death.
Vivian explained why it happened after she died. It was something her soul
needed to experience. What happened to Yevgeney wass something his soul
needed to experience. One day you will understand.
It IS in God's hands.
With love,
Marilyn
England
United Kingdom
Friday, September 17th, 2004
12:21 am
The greatest lesson is that you could only do so much and the rest wasn't in your hands.......
To: Valentina <mumspirit@yahoo.com>

“My words seem hollow and empty....I feel so
helpless...I so want to make it better for you and
your family but I know I
can't......Always lessons for us.....for you and so
many, profoundly painful
lessons in this physical form. The greatest lesson is
that you could only
do so much and the rest wasn't in your hands.......”

From: Valentina <mumspirit@yahoo.com>

Sept 17th 2004
Kazan, Middle Russia
0:21am Kazan and Moscow time

Yes, Judy, you’re very right…
I had to see and I am seen now how impossible it is for our human mind
to except that something is not in our hands, something and someones
are out of our control.
That seems most impossible for us to learn…
Day after day I am watching myself thinking that Yevgeney may stay
alive, if…
I am seen and feeling my father Vasiliy still torturing himself with
thinking over and over… He is thinking that his beloved grandson might
stay alive, if Valentina – Yevgeney’s mother – wouldn’t take her son out
of Russia, wouldn’t bring him to America… My son Andrei is thinking
that Yevgeney might be safe if he wouldn’t stay and study in Kazan but
Moscow… Yevgeney’s father Viktor is thinking that to be saved his son
should of go to University in Pokrov at the little city where Viktor lives…
And “on”, and “on”, and “on”…
And for me still hard to understand, that there is just so much we can
do…
And rest of it is in the God’s hands…
Still…
Day, after day, after day… I am finding myself thinking and re-thinking
- trying to analyze - was there or there was not - chance for Yevgeney
to be with us in the human body, in the physical form… And even knowing
what I know… I am still catching myself on that kind of thoughts again…
Here are our true lessons… Here – where we are challenged in what we
truly believe… That’s where our awareness becoming (or not) our true
life…
And it takes time and the quietness of the heart and enormous amount of
faith and strength… To stay with what we are speaking out as a truth of
our heart…

Valentina
Thursday, September 16th, 2004
8:05 pm
I have received so many of your letters – what a love and care and understanding in them!
I have received so many of your letters – what a love and care and understanding in them!

Sept 16th 2004
Kazan, Middle Russia
8:05pm Kazan time

I wish I can share at least some of them with you…
And here is the letter from Jan Antonelli. She names
this letter- report…
I was truly amazed how accurate it was –the vision,
that came to Jan, when she had no way of knowing any
details of my son’s way out to his freedom, neither
pain and loneliness of the last year of Yevgeney's
life!..
I want to say to her: “Thank you, Jan!
What a true unbelievable abilities to read and see
with your heart!..
Your words where and still are so on time and
important to me and all of my Russian family!
As we’d say in Russia: “Thank you with my heart and my
hand!”
(However you may translate it to English…)”

Here is that letter for you all to see…
And there are so many, so many of the words from the
other letters…
Words, that I wish I can share with you…
Valentina

From: Jan Antonelli <janantonelli@yahoo.com>
To: Valentina<mumspirit@yahoo.com>
Date: 24 August 2004 , 20:53:08
Subject: Yvenkeny

Dear Valentina,

Here I sit, on this Tuesday evening, August 24, 2004.
A few days ago I got an urge to fly to Russia. I had
the feeling that you might need me. You have been on
my mind all week, and now I know why. This afternoon
I got a call from Judy Young, and heard the news about
your son. There is quietness in my heart and words
fall short. I wish I had the means to be with you
right now. At this time there is probably little I
can say to comfort you.


I felt called to do a healing on Yvenkeny this
evening, and so I did. I called Judy and read this to
her and asked her if I should send it to you. She
said that I should and to make sure I told you that
this came in before I read Guy’s letter. She is
mailing me Guy’s letter right now. Instead of waiting
I am going to type up my report, send it to you, and
then read Guy’s letter. I don’t know what it all
means I am just following direction, and praying that
it helps.



I went looking for Yvenkeny this evening, and easily
found his higher self. I was told that this part of
him split at the time of the first accident and never
reconnected. I then did a healing for shattered
subtle bodies. From there I went looking for the rest
of him. I found him in a dark place filled with
beliefs about punishment, pain and suffering. I lead
him through a forgiveness prayer and invited him to
take these words as him own. At this time my hands
felt very hot and a lot of energy was moving. I felt
him shift and merge with his higher self. From there
these words flowed from him to you through me. I pray
for clarity as this comes through.



“Please tell my mother I am OK, and I love her so
much. I’m sorry I couldn't’t do it anymore. There is
nothing for me here. My time to go was up a long time
ago. I tried to stay and right all of my wrongs, it
just got heavier and heavier. Part of me heard the
call home and left, part of me split and stayed. I
watched the suffering-your love kept me here, but I
didn’t have the life force to push through the
darkness.



Now I am together in one place.



Tell ma (grandma) how much I love her, and love her
cooking and her care. I was happy then when I was
young. You have nothing to regret! I understand a
lot that I didn’t understand before. I am embracing
all of who I am and understanding the hardships. I am
moving into the light where I will accept healing. I
won’t fight it anymore.



You have given me so much. You are my angel.



I wish to take the burden off your shoulder. All the
grief I caused you, all the worry, and all the sadness
in your heart. This is what I want you to give to me
now. Let this be your parting gift to me, that I may
take this burden into God’s light with me. I am
strong enough now, and when you see the White Bird let
your heart sing with joy, and cry no more for me, or
the children of the world.


I am happy! I am at Peace!”


Valentina, I will keep checking in over the next few
days, if anything comes in I will report. I called
Brad today and let him know to ask Leslie to keep you
in her prayers. I am sending you so much love dear
sister and feel your tears in my heart. Be in the
heart of God, and may the angels lift your burdens and
grant you peace.

Love Jan Antonelli
(Reno, Nevada)
11:27 am
I am SO sad to hear about the death of your beloved son, Yevgeniy.
Dear Valentina,

I am SO sad to hear about the death of your beloved son, Yevgeniy.
I am praying for you both and asking Vivian to help. She has stayed
in contact with me, as she promised, and I'm sure she can help your
son. It is part of her work to help people on the astral plane.

With love and prayers,
Marilyn (United Kingdom --- England)

P.S.
Thank you Janice for letting me know.
Tuesday, September 14th, 2004
1:32 am
Thank you, my dear friends!
Sept 14th 2004
Kazan, Middle Russia
1:32am Kazan time

My friends!

Thank you so very much for all of your heartfull
words, love, care and support!
It is all making such an amazing difference!
I can't even find words to express how dear and
important it is for me...
I want to give you words of sincere appreciation for
your care and support for my all family.
Janice doesn't even knows how right she is, when she
is saying: "Can you imagine what it
means to Yevgeney's father to know how many people are
remembering his son."
For Yevgeney's father and my father Vasilii too - my
father is not doing well since he came back to his
city in Siberia from the funeral. My heart is so
concerns about him. He can't even have Yevgeney's name
been mentioned to him. Then he is just crying - that's
all my father can do. Been atheist as he is - can you
just imagine!..
But he have translation of your letters with him there
in his home. And I know - it warms his heart...
Thank you!
Thank you that you care!
Thank you for taking your time to read our letters and
response to them!
I can't still say or write a lot...
I am here though...
And will be back to USA.
My elder son Andrei is here with me and Guy came from
America and we are all here together through this
time.
Although, they might leave soon (in a week or so) and
I'll be here - not alone - somebody will be with me,
the ones, that are living in Kazan... But even that...
My heart is crying for the time when Andrei and Guy
would have to leave to go back to America.
I think I'll stay here till very end of September -
40th day since Yevgeney is gone out of physical human
existence.

Thank you for all who you are -
my dear family in spirit!

Valentina
Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
5:28 am
Helping Valentina
Dear Guy,

I am so grateful to you for telling us, Valentina's friends and loved ones,
the tragic story that unfolded in Russia, culminating in the death of
Yevgeney. It is a very deep wound that we share with Valentina.

I have been thinking about the enormous financial burden on Valentina from
lost work, travel expenses, and final expenses for her son.

Could you set up a bank account as a memorial fund for Yevgeney so that we
who love them can contribute as we are able to help Valentina recover
financially?

If you don't want to ask friends, you could simply forward my message with
your own note appended that would give the account number and the address
of the bank.

With love,

Judy J.
Austin, TX, USA
5:25 am
Yvenkeny
Dear Valentina,



Here I sit, on this Tuesday evening, August 24, 2004. A few days ago I got an urge to fly to Russia. I had the
feeling that you might need me. You have been on my mind all week, and now I know why. This afternoon I got a
call from Judy Young, and heard the news about your son. There is quietness in my heart and words fall short. I
wish I had the means to be with you right now. At this time there is probably little I can say to comfort you.



I felt called to do a healing on Yvenkeny this evening, and so I did. I called Judy and read this to her and
asked her if I should send it to you. She said that I should and to make sure I told you that this came in before
I read Guy’s letter. She is mailing me Guy’s letter right now. Instead of waiting I am going to type up my
report, send it to you, and then read Guy’s letter. I don’t know what it all means I am just following
direction, and praying that it helps.


I went looking for Yvenkeny this evening, and easily found his higher self. I was told that this part of him
split at the time of the first accident and never reconnected. I then did a healing for shattered subtle bodies.
From there I went looking for the rest of him. I found him in a dark place filled with beliefs about punishment,
pain and suffering. I lead him through a forgiveness prayer and invited him to take these words as him own. At
this time my hands felt very hot and a lot of energy was moving. I felt him shift and merge with his higher self.
From there these words flowed from him to you through me. I pray for clarity as this comes through.



“Please tell my mother I am OK, and I love her so much. I’m sorry I couldn't’t do it anymore. There is nothing
for me here. My time to go was up a long time ago. I tried to stay and right all of my wrongs, it just got
heavier and heavier. Part of me heard the call home and left, part of me split and stayed. I watched the
suffering-your love kept me here, but I didn’t have the life force to push through the darkness.



Now I am together in one place.


Tell ma (grandma) how much I love her, and love her cooking and her care. I was happy then when I was young.
You have nothing to regret! I understand a lot that I didn’t understand before. I am embracing all of who I am
and understanding the hardships. I am moving into the light where I will accept healing. I won’t fight it
anymore.



You have given me so much. You are my angel.



I wish to take the burden off your shoulder. All the grief I caused you, all the worry, and all the sadness in
your heart. This is what I want you to give to me now. Let this be your parting gift to me, that I may take this
burden into God’s light with me. I am strong enough now, and when you see the White Bird let your heart sing with
joy, and cry no more for me, or the children of the world.


I am happy! I am at Peace!”



Valentina, I will keep checking in over the next few days, if anything comes in I will report. I called Brad
today and let him know to ask Leslie to keep you in her prayers. I am sending you so much love dear sister and
feel your tears in my heart. Be in the heart of God, and may the angels lift your burdens and grant you peace.



Love Jan Antonelli
Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
5:16 am
I am waiting for you...
Dear Valentina

I am so sorry to hear about this unbelieveable tragedy. I send my love and
prayer for Yevgeney's soul and spirit - may he rest in peace and stay in the
light!

Canon of St.Paul's Cathedral:

"Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort, without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very
near, just round the corner. All is well!"

With sympathy and warmest regards
Isabella S.
Switzerland
Monday, August 23rd, 2004
5:08 am
Her Yevgeniy
My Dear Friends,

This is Guy writing to you from Valentina’s e-mail. I
am writing from her mailbox to have access to your
e-mail addresses. Some of you may have already
received e-mail from Valentina. How very difficult to
write this.

In the weeks and especially days before Yevgeniy’s
death, staying connected to himself had become almost
impossible. The pain in his soul had become
overwhelming. Slowly, his soul began to escape from
this world.

In the last days, Yevgeniy’s brain was nearly
incapable of letting him communicate with others. My
last telephone conversation with him wasn’t a
conversation at all. The beating he took from
strangers on May 24, 2004, significantly added to the
brain trauma he had suffered (but from which he was
recovering successfully) in the car accident last
August. The new damages where especially severe to
the right side of his head. The slow feeling of
loosing himself greatly accelerated beginning in July.

You may remember that Yevgeniy married on August 9th
last year. Two weeks later, on August 27th, he was
struck from behind by a speeding car while walking
along the side of a road. He and his new wife had
been celebrating their marriage again with friends
from school. Sadly, his wife left him immediately
after the August accident without a word, something
from which Yevgeniy never recovered. This was most
certainly part of his suffering, which we ask you to
help him be released.

Valentina feels that in each of these last days the
distance he experienced from his identity grew, which
became an impossible outcome for him. Day and night
he walked through the apartment asking where Yevgeniy
had gone, and how could he get Yevgeniy to return. He
wanted desperately to retrieve himself from the place
he felt he had gone to continue a life he could not
know. He did not want Yevgeniy to be in this place
away from himself and the world he loved. He wanted
badly to be with his mother, family and his many, many
friends.

Completely lost, Yevgeniy jumped from a window of the
balcony in his fifth floor apartment early Sunday
morning. Valentina was sleeping in her bedroom after
another long night and days and days of taking care of
him. She keeps saying: “How can I not feel it my
heart?” -- even though she knows it was her son’s time
to go, and that this would have happened. She had
been flying to Russia almost every month since last
August to care for him.

He landed on his feet from the fall, which we were
especially damaged. Yevgeniy’s spine was broken in
several places. His body survived the fall and he was
taken to the hospital in a very deep coma where just a
few hours later it became clear that his brain was
dead. His body was allowed then to die. He must have
been in great pain, even unconsciously. These are the
reasons I am writing you.

In your prayers, please help Yevgeniy release himself
from the place he did not want and from the incredible
physical pain he suffered before dying. Help him to
be where he wants to be and struggled so much to have
before he died.



Thank you, love and God bless,


Guy
Sunday, August 22nd, 2004
9:11 pm
small angel and gate
With the deepest heart openings comes revelations and healings from a mother
and friend. I send you and your son the great love and blessings.May his
journey be blessed as he has blessed you.
Here is a poem I wrote for him and you.


Tell me more son, because I already have seen it. I have seen that bright
light of your of compassion The compassion that fills my heart so full of
grace

I see you now resting in light's sweet redemption In the safety of the
embrace of Mother's God's light

Beyond language and time and reason Your have and are teaching us. It is
there and It's there that we all patiently wait for

The promise of the opening of the gate

Tell me ….

What's in your sense of surrender That shears away all strife And leaves
me/us in grateful reflection

Of a gift most precious gift- Your Life and your presence I have known
you

Your answer to the call of the light Can strengthen and deepen all souls
that have know you

As I watch you jump into the arms of the Goddess I realize and experience
your bliss

The world has been lit by your light and with your truth you have made
my/our inner child warm and whole

Tell me … What's in the love you are sharing That has and will
light up the cold winter nights for us

God knew what she was doing When she created all of those delights of you

With all the gifts that we have been received from you Thank you for

The beauty you are becomes and is becoming you

I wish you a magical trip as you have given us the this journey of your
magical light.

Valentia may the magnificence of his light heal all of your grieving and
sadness

and fill you with all love from above and from all of us.

We love you deeply as you have loved us. We have felt you so very deeply
and appreciate your presence

What a bright soul you are and what a bright soul your son has and is
showing us.



Thank you

B. M.

J
8:44 pm
“Wherever I go GOD is with me”.
August 22nd 2004
Kazan, Russia
8:44pm Kazan time

My Dear Friends,

Some times ago I have sent some of you
letter about critical condition of his health.
He died this afternoon.
My youngest son that was a student of the University
here in Kazan (Middle Russia).
Please!
Prayer for his soul, his spirit, all the he is right
now!
For whatever is here and wherever he is to say our
Prayer for…
A day when he died Yevgeney had sports shirt on him
with the words:
“Wherever I go
GOD
Is with me”.
Days before his death Yevgeney was telling me
that he is wishing that there will be chance
to be born again and start his life at the begining.
He really wanted to start his life as a new one.
At the end of this letter I place my old letter about
him.
Thank you!
Valentina
Friday, August 20th, 2004
4:54 am
From Valentina: Sorry!
From Valentina: Sorry! I have to cancell all of my sessions on Aug 20-21st in Reno

I am very sorry!
I am in Russia.
My son's health is in the very critical condition
right now - he was bitting by group of young man on
his head and more...
It's added more to his brain injury by car in the
August of last year...
I have to be here right now!
Sorry!
I'll write you later!
Thank you for understanding!
Valentina
Monday, May 31st, 2004
7:35 am
I'm doing very well, better than for the last few days...
Hello, Mama, Grandma, Guy & Andrei if he's near by!

How are you all doing?
I'm doing very well, better than for the last few days and that is GOO-o-oD!!!

Mam, here's your tetradkies. At least what Tatyana has already typed.
I'm going to call Lilya (a girl from the University) to find out about exams.
Planing to go there tomorrow if I'll be feeling all right.
Pretty sure I will!

LOVE. Zheka
Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
6:24 am
I HAVE to get through it on my own! PLEASE, Trust Me!!!
Here is one of the letters from my son... (Valentina)

No!!! No more money, please!!!
No more MEDICINE - the best ones are herbs,Love (not the one YOU can give me!)
and mild phisical exercises - me & You have different unnderstanding of happiness!

I've asked you & Guy for what I NEED and if you CAN bring it without troubling YOU,
guys, too much and without damadging your financial situation - that WILL help!
As for the rest of this part of the way -
I HAVE to get through it on my own (meaning w/out your interfirence!)

PLEASE, Trust Me!!!
Love!!! Zheka.

Kazan, Tatarstan (Middle Russia)
2:58 am
I'm looking for MY truth/love!
Thank YOU, Mum!

I'm looking for MY truth/love - right now it is equial for me!
Hope you understand me rightly!

HUGS & KISSES!!!
Zheka
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